Haunted
Just for fun, here's a flash ghost story that I banged out for an impromptu contest:
“Evil deed reaps its own,” my grandmother used to say, but then that bitch was always blathering. God, how I hated her. I still do, more than ever.
Hey, I know what you’re thinking but it wasn’t my fault, really. I had a hard life. My old man crapped out on us when I was five, and dear mother disappeared not long after into the life of a crackwhore. I’m sure she’s been dead a long time too. Grandpa Bill and grandma Trudi took me in for good the third time my mom got arrested. It was that or the institute. But they didn’t really want to, I could just tell. They acted like I was lucky to have a couch to sleep on and slop to eat.
The other grandparents? Never even met them.
Used to be that grandma Trudi would spew at grandpa Bill all day, every day. She just talked and talked. It didn’t matter. Anytime anything happened she had some country saying or some wise, old lady bullshit to say. ‘Never rains but it pours’ or ‘up by five, stay alive.’ But grandpa was deaf as a rock; he didn’t give a damn what she said. The old bastard just watched t.v. all damn day, ignoring the hell out of her, with the volume up so high it hurt your ears.
When grandpa died she turned it on me.
Yap, yap, yap. Every fucking minute she had something to say. I couldn’t fart or scratch myself without her having some dopey shit to say. The worst was when I tried to bring a chick home, or drink some beer or smoke something. Then she’d screech and rant and quote shit from the Bible. Man, it never ended, with that voice like a whistle in my head all damn day, even when I started to work at that shithole of a warehouse.
So I killed her ass.
After I did it I just sat in the house, I don’t even know how long, just . . . what’s the word? Yeah, reveling. Just reveling in the peace and quiet. I mean I fucking relaxed for the first time in my whole life. Then the cops came. There was a trial and all, and the stupid lawyer the government gave me keep going about protecting my fucking rights; half the time I wanted to choke him. But I knew it was all up. You see, in this state, when a crapass like me shanks an old bitch, you can bet it’s the chair for him.
And so it was.
Still, I think it wasn’t my fault. Not really. I mean, sure I killed the bitch but I had a hard life, and she would never shut up. So I shut her up. When the preacher came to save my soul I laughed at his ass and told him to shove it. That’s when they took me to the chair. I chose it. Yeah, I did. I never saw myself lying down and just going to sleep, so when they said it was my choice, I took the chair. Now that’s a ride! Hell yeah!
Then they flipped the switch and I fried.
Except, I got up. When it was over, and I was dead, I stood up all glowing and see-through and shit. And there was my body slumped over in the chair. The doc listened to my heart and declared me dead and the guards brought in the gurney to wheel me,
the old, dead me, away. I was all 'freakin hell, I’m a ghost!' For a minute I thought how cool it would be to haunt the shit out of all the fuckers that screwed me over in life: those dicks from high school, my old boss, the fucking cops. I’d scare them shitless. That made me laugh.
Until she came.
“Evil deed reaps its own, I told you so, I did.” I heard her voice behind me. It made me jump outta my skin, or would’ve if I’d had any. “Henry, Henry, what have you been doing? Wasting your life, as usual. I always say 'a penny spent is a dollar lost,' and I always knew you’d come to no good end . . .”
“Oh god, no!” I screamed, or tried to, but I had no voice. I couldn’t even talk back to her, tell her to shut the fuck up. Still she went on and on, blah, blah, blah. You know, there is no night for a ghost. There is no sleeping. There’s no time off or time out. I can’t run from her. She always finds me. I can’t stop her. I can’t hurt her. I can’t touch her. She always finds me, and there’s no shutting her up.
“Evil deed reaps its own . . .”
God, how I hate that bitch.
HAUNTED
“Evil deed reaps its own,” my grandmother used to say, but then that bitch was always blathering. God, how I hated her. I still do, more than ever.
Hey, I know what you’re thinking but it wasn’t my fault, really. I had a hard life. My old man crapped out on us when I was five, and dear mother disappeared not long after into the life of a crackwhore. I’m sure she’s been dead a long time too. Grandpa Bill and grandma Trudi took me in for good the third time my mom got arrested. It was that or the institute. But they didn’t really want to, I could just tell. They acted like I was lucky to have a couch to sleep on and slop to eat.
The other grandparents? Never even met them.
Used to be that grandma Trudi would spew at grandpa Bill all day, every day. She just talked and talked. It didn’t matter. Anytime anything happened she had some country saying or some wise, old lady bullshit to say. ‘Never rains but it pours’ or ‘up by five, stay alive.’ But grandpa was deaf as a rock; he didn’t give a damn what she said. The old bastard just watched t.v. all damn day, ignoring the hell out of her, with the volume up so high it hurt your ears.
When grandpa died she turned it on me.
Yap, yap, yap. Every fucking minute she had something to say. I couldn’t fart or scratch myself without her having some dopey shit to say. The worst was when I tried to bring a chick home, or drink some beer or smoke something. Then she’d screech and rant and quote shit from the Bible. Man, it never ended, with that voice like a whistle in my head all damn day, even when I started to work at that shithole of a warehouse.
So I killed her ass.
After I did it I just sat in the house, I don’t even know how long, just . . . what’s the word? Yeah, reveling. Just reveling in the peace and quiet. I mean I fucking relaxed for the first time in my whole life. Then the cops came. There was a trial and all, and the stupid lawyer the government gave me keep going about protecting my fucking rights; half the time I wanted to choke him. But I knew it was all up. You see, in this state, when a crapass like me shanks an old bitch, you can bet it’s the chair for him.
And so it was.
Still, I think it wasn’t my fault. Not really. I mean, sure I killed the bitch but I had a hard life, and she would never shut up. So I shut her up. When the preacher came to save my soul I laughed at his ass and told him to shove it. That’s when they took me to the chair. I chose it. Yeah, I did. I never saw myself lying down and just going to sleep, so when they said it was my choice, I took the chair. Now that’s a ride! Hell yeah!
Then they flipped the switch and I fried.
Except, I got up. When it was over, and I was dead, I stood up all glowing and see-through and shit. And there was my body slumped over in the chair. The doc listened to my heart and declared me dead and the guards brought in the gurney to wheel me,
the old, dead me, away. I was all 'freakin hell, I’m a ghost!' For a minute I thought how cool it would be to haunt the shit out of all the fuckers that screwed me over in life: those dicks from high school, my old boss, the fucking cops. I’d scare them shitless. That made me laugh.
Until she came.
“Evil deed reaps its own, I told you so, I did.” I heard her voice behind me. It made me jump outta my skin, or would’ve if I’d had any. “Henry, Henry, what have you been doing? Wasting your life, as usual. I always say 'a penny spent is a dollar lost,' and I always knew you’d come to no good end . . .”
“Oh god, no!” I screamed, or tried to, but I had no voice. I couldn’t even talk back to her, tell her to shut the fuck up. Still she went on and on, blah, blah, blah. You know, there is no night for a ghost. There is no sleeping. There’s no time off or time out. I can’t run from her. She always finds me. I can’t stop her. I can’t hurt her. I can’t touch her. She always finds me, and there’s no shutting her up.
“Evil deed reaps its own . . .”
God, how I hate that bitch.
posted by Brian Malone | 7:42 AM
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